A Matter of Perspective
by Suze Orman
Do money worries make you crazy? Suze Orman knows what that's like. Read her 7 steps to financial health.
Taxes, mortgage payments, credit card bills, medical expenses. Every day I hear from people who are anxious or frustrated or just plain worried sick about their finances. Is money the answer? I always tell them the same thing—money can’t make you happy. But how we relate to money has an awful lot to do with our outlook on life. Believe me, I know. I’ve been there.
Some of you probably don’t even want to think about your finances, and we all know people battling to make ends meet. Denial won’t help the situation, though. What will? Positive thinking, for one, and a faith that we do not bear our burdens alone.
Sure, it’s hard to feel good when you didn’t get the raise you needed, or you have been laid off, or you have to put off paying this bill so you can pay that one. But haven’t you seen spiritual solutions work for the most down-to-earth problems? Call it what you like—a financial grace, a new belief in yourself, a trust in God’s hand to provide for you. If you’re struggling with money worries, like so many are, (or know someone who is) you need to replace the negative feelings about your finances with a positive, holistic approach.
There is no terminal financial disease. When it comes to money, you are the patient, the doctor and the pharmacist. By taking a few positive steps, and asking God’s help, you can find a cure that will free you financially and spiritually.
1. Get honest.
You should have heard my mom when she discovered I was writing magazine columns and talking on TV about the hard times our family went through. “Suze, Dad and I spent our whole lives keeping our money problems quiet. Now you go on TV and tell the whole world we were broke?” I told her I had to be open about my financial history if I expected people looking to me for advice to do the same. Being honest about your situation is the first and most crucial step to becoming financially well. If you don’t acknowledge how much you own, spend, borrow and give, and how you feel about it, how can you take charge?
My mother got used to me spilling our family’s financial secrets. She even came to approve of it. “Suze, my neighbors are coming up to me and thanking me for telling the truth about our situation,” Mom said. “They had been going through the same hard times we did, but no one ever talked about it.”
2. Go back to the future.
My first money disappointment came early, at age eight. In the hot Chicago summers, all of us kids in the neighborhood would go swimming at the Thunderbird Motel. It cost just a dollar. One sweltering Saturday, I asked my mother for a dollar to go swimming. She looked at me with the saddest face I had ever seen. “Sweetheart, we don’t want anyone else to know, but I just don’t have a dollar to give you.” What am I going to tell my friends? I thought.
I’m not proud of what I did. But as I said, it’s about honesty. That night, after my mom and dad went to sleep, I took some change out of my father’s pants pockets. I used it to buy candy for my friends. I wanted them to still like me, even if I couldn’t hang out with them at the pool.
Take note. Mistakes like that impact the decisions we make in the future. Long after my days swimming at the Thunderbird, I was in a department store buying an expensive gift for a friend. The saleslady swiped my credit card. All I could think was, Dear God, please don’t let it be declined. Here I was a grown woman, still spending money I didn’t have buying gifts so people would like me. Still feeling ashamed. I was asking God not to help me but to enable me in my spending.
A boy who never had presents under the Christmas tree growing up might later max out his credit cards buying his children gifts. A girl who watched her mother hide purchases from her father might never talk about finances with her fiancé. Examining your past and connecting the dots to where you are now will help you to understand the true motivations underlying your financial behavior.
3. Value yourself more than your paycheck.
My dad had a little chicken shack. It was all of 400 square feet. One day the chicken shack caught fire. Dad stood on the street, helplessly watching his livelihood go up in smoke. Before anyone could stop him, he ran into the flames. Mom and I could see him pounding at the metal cash register. Finally, he picked up the register and staggered outside. The scalding hot metal register left my dad with third-degree burns all over his upper body. He nearly gave his life for a day’s receipts. No wonder I grew up thinking money was all-important!
It took me years to understand Dad felt like he was nothing without money. To his friends and neighbors he always pretended he had more than he really did. Bad enough that his wife had to work to help make ends meet. Sometimes she even made more than he did. That was a tremendous source of shame for him. And he never got over it.
The last time I saw my father he was in the hospital. I had been a stockbroker for about a year. He was so proud that he opened up a small account at my firm. That last day he asked, “Suze, who is going to take care of you and your mother?” I told him not to worry, that he gave my mother and me everything we could ever need. But I could tell by the forlorn look in Dad’s eyes that he wished he had done more for us financially. Today, the thing I would like to tell Dad is that his mistakes and perseverance helped teach me to develop a healthy relationship with money.
I don’t have to tell you that there are a myriad of things more important than money. Thinking less of yourself because of your financial situation will only blind you to the true blessings in your life. You won’t make more because of those negative thoughts and—like my father—you’ll end up full of regrets.
4. Track those spending habits.
What does it cost you to live each month? Most of us don’t know—not exactly. We pull money out of the ATM and don’t keep close track of where it goes. That’s a form of denial. Write down every dollar you spend during a month. You’ll be surprised by how little things—movie tickets, soft drinks, toiletries—add up.
Time to spend more wisely. You don’t have to make unrealistic budget cuts. It’s all about trimming. Make your own coffee and bring it to work. Do your taxes yourself instead of paying an accountant. Try going to the grocery store every eight days instead of every Saturday.
The more aware you are of how you spend your money, the more control you’ll gain over it. But first you have to know what you spend.
5. Dig yourself out of debt.
Okay, you’ve gotten honest about your spending. Now start talking about your debt. The average American family today has eight-thousand five hundred dollars of credit card debt. So there is nothing for you to be ashamed about. Tell a few of your closest friends exactly how much you owe on your credit cards. It’s like an alcoholic entering recovery. The first step is admitting what your problem is.
Maybe you’re so far behind that you’re thinking, I don’t have the money to pay these bills. What’s the use in opening them? Maybe you’re afraid to see the number on the balance due line. Get over it! Open up those bills! Find out exactly how much you owe—down to the last penny, so you can do something about it. Remember, when it comes to your finances, you’re the patient, the doctor and the pharmacist.
List your debts from the highest interest rate to the lowest. If the interest rate is more than six percent, you’re paying too much. Call the credit card company and negotiate a lower rate. Today.
Start paying the most you possibly can toward your highest interest rate debt and the minimum toward all the others. Once you’ve paid off the debt at the top of the list, move to the next one until you’ve rolled them all down. If it takes you five years, you must do it. Your financial, emotional and spiritual well-being are at stake.
6. Teach your children well.
My father used to yell at my mom for spending too much. She’d run around the house frantically closing windows so the neighbors didn’t hear the fighting and bickering about our family’s financial difficulties.
The negative messages stuck. I thought if I could just make a lot of money when I grew up, I would be happy. My parents subconsciously shaped my financial mindset.
It is very important to be open with children about money. Talk to them about why they get an allowance, and what they are allowed to do with the money you give them. Giving money is a chance to teach.
Explain to your kids or grandkids that the things that mysteriously show up in their lives—electricity, water, food, toys and clothes—all have to be paid for. Why isn’t Mommy buying furniture for the living room? Because it isn’t affordable right now, and that’s okay. Show them by your actions how to be good financial stewards.
Read children books and play games (like Monopoly or Life) that involve spending and saving, and talk about the financial decisions they make. When they’re older, have them sit next to you when you fill out your 401(k) paperwork, or explain what a tax return is.
Your children and grandchildren are becoming imprinted with their money memories right now—whether you know it or not. Make those impressions positive and valuable.
7. Give and you shall receive.
One day I was in a terrible funk. I turned on the TV and happened to catch a fundraising drive. I picked up the phone and pledged as much as I could spare. Those people needed money more than I did. Immediately I felt better, as if a burden had been lifted.
From then on, whenever I felt down I’d give to a charity. I’d feel better and, amazingly, in every instance the amount was showered back on me tenfold.
Not that I’m saying you should give in order to receive. You have to give with an open heart. The best returns are not necessarily financial. They’re the sense of freedom and purpose granted to you by being able to help other people. Those rewards are great no matter how little or how much you have to share, five dollars or five thousand.
The point is, money can’t be so important that you can’t let it go. It took a while for me to figure it out. When you open your hands to give to others, you’re opening yourself up to receive the gifts God has to give you.
Suze Orman is the host of The Suze Orman Show and the author of Women & Money. Find more of her financial advice at suzeorman.com.
This article originally appeared in Guideposts magazine. Visit the recently updated guideposts.com today.
